Don't read if you are easily upset!

Last night I worked the ER. At 1009, the ambulance brought in a 16 year old male who was stomped in the chest by a bull. He was a bull rider that had ridden in the buck off in Ash Flat. He was intubated, CPR was started, and he had received 3 amps of epi and 2 of atropine in route. His pupils were fixed on arrival. He had been on the ground for 7 minutes before being picked up by the ambulance. His ambulance ride took 18 minutes. We continued CPR, gave more epi and atropine, and poured fluid into his lifeless body for 10 minutes. He was just a baby, only 2 years older than Caleb.
During a code, the staff tends to disconnect themselves from the person. It becomes surreal. Everyone has a job, and tasks to accomplish. Things run in a rhythm with one person in charge (usually the doctor or charge nurse). It isn't until after, when preparing the body for the family to see, that you realize this is a son, brother, friend.
I gently washed the blood from his face and out of his hair, cleaned the blood from the gurney, and tried to hide the bloody sheets by gently tucking them under his shoulders. The mother wouldn't come in to see her baby (not that I blame her; seeing would force believing) but his daddy did. He layed over the body of his son as he cried and railed at the world.
I held it together until everyone left. A hip pain came in at midnight. As I was asking the requisite question "And what happened to make you come in at this time?" when I lost it. I was a blubbering idiot. At which point the guy and his wife are looking at me like I'm crazy. "No sir, you haven't upset me." I felt so stupid.
I keep seeing the young bull rider when I close my eyes. I wonder how his family is doing, especially his momma. I am so down today and I don't know how to get over it.